…..stiffle your laughter first. Your sarcastic “perhaps?” comments have no place here and should be filed in the redundancy folder. (There’s around 9,000 of them now by the way, you can find them in their entirety in a handwritten-with-sharpie cabinet titled “Soup” that is now being kept under Ice’s back porch somewhere in Florida and can be made available to you for a nominal fee).

Anyway…….I’m going to dare to believe in Johnny Manziel.

I know, I know. I hear you all. I can feel you all reeling like a ball hair stuck to the shaft that wakes you up during morning wood on the one day you could have slept in but now you just hate life, along with your manhood, but hear me out.

Alright, I don’t really have anything compelling to say on that point, I just got drunk on Saturday, thought those 1st 2 jokes were funny as hell and decided to ramble.

But they are without Jimmy Graham. And they are down to their 17th stringer at RB. At the very least I’m gonna watch because the chance that punking the 2-time NFC Superbowl reps in their own house isn’t really all that crazy of a thing.

He’s a punk he’s a drunk he’s short he’s lazy he can’t do shit blah blah blah. Albert Belle corked his bat and ran kids over with a fuckin Range Rover on Halloween. We didn’t care, we were in the World Series. Now we’re gonna preach?

Getthefuckouttahere. I hope this kid rams his gigantic, money-filled middle finger right up everyones ass.

More than likely, I’m gonna be wrong and have to, I dunno, answer to this in some way, but the 9 beers I just drank says that I won’t have to cause I won’t remember any of it anyway so that means it never happened.

Wunkle I’m sorry about that crack about your vagina and it being old and dying, that was uncalled for. Soup, you have no idea what a screen is.

I’m gonna go have sex now and pass out.