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You’re Haslam, you can do anything you want. Your goal is to win games THIS SEASON. What do you want to see done? Keep in mind the trade deadline is past.
1) PROMOTE a coach. Yes I said promote, not fire. I’d promote either Greg Williams or Al Saunders to assistant head coach. Hue wants to call plays, fine. He’s only 1 guy. He can’t be thinking about managing the game, the clock, timeouts, replay challenges, halftime adjustments etc (the responsibilities of the HC) while also trying to figure out which play to call next. Deep in the 2nd quarter an assistant HC can worry about all that crap so Hue can focus on calling good plays.
2) Sign someone, ANYONE, to play WR. Jordan Norwood, Eddie Royal, get Hartline back. Right now we have ONE receiver on the roster who has caught an NFL touchdown in their career. That receiver is Kenny Britt, who I would cut. We need an experienced guy who can teach the kids the little tricks of the trade. Our WR’s need someone they can go to with ‘stupid’ questions that they’re afraid to ask the coach. Sign one of these guys and if he never even steps foot on the field I don’t care. A vet presence could go a long way.
3) Replace Shmegmatron at kicker. If only Cody Parkey were available….
4) Leave Kizer at QB regardless of how poorly he plays. We already know that Hogan and “Trust Me” Kessler are in no way ever going to be worthy of starting in the NFL. Kizer still has a small chance.
5) Play Josh Gordon. You all know how much I hate him. I detest him because he is false hope. That said the best thing we can do for the team is play him as soon as he’s eligible. We can trade him to someone in the offseason.
6) Find someone else on the team to play FS. Campbell was a fucking disaster. Peppers is NOT a FS. Take someone else. Maybe ‘His Airness’ Michael Jordan. I don’t care who.
7) Designate a high-ranking senior mgmt member as Crowell’s direct liason. Whenever Crowell has an issue about how many touches he’s getting in his contract year instead of complaining to a coach he should have someone important he can directly take that message to. That person can listen to Crowell’s issues and assure Crow that he’ll address them. He can then write them on a piece of paper, light it on fire, and flush it down a toilet. Hue loves Crow and is starting him not because of skillset or talent, but because it’s a very important year for Crow’s career. Crow and DOOK Johnson’s playtime should be switched. Duke is THE playmaker on our offense. He should be getting the lions share of the touches.
8) Anyone who jumps offsides gets a brick thrown through their car window.
Those are the steps I’d take right now. What would you do?
If Josh can come up with 600+ yards by seasons’ end and he could stay sober (call it a pipe dream, but one can hope) with this burning pile of zombie bodies, I’d consider keeping him.
Otherwise, the only thing I would change right now is I would get a head start on front office replacements. Show the players that you intend to keep in the future that this team means business and wants to win games. Heads have got to roll after the debacle that took place, and there’s no salvaging a relationship between the coaches and front office. Because no matter what, they look completely incompetent. If the rest of the league can’t take us seriously, then why should anyone else on the team?
This whole thing has set us back some years…again. Sooner we get started fixing it, the better.
Fire Paul Depodesta, right now. A baseball sabermetrician working from home in San Diego does nothing for this franchise. Absolutely nothing. He doesn’t even get his last paycheck, fuck him he’s stolen enough already.
Keep Sashi, but let him do what he does best: Lawyer shit. He knows dick about football and a lot about the law. Let him lawyer and handle business matters, but get him the hell away from football, he has no clue what he’s doing.
Hire a bona-fide, track-record having, trusted, no-brainer, indisputable, reputable football mind/person/thing to come in here and take over the Front office. That person, and that person alone answers to Haslam. All other people within the organization report to that person. No “the GM talks to Haslam” and “the coach talks to Haslam” and “the President talks to Dee Haslam” and “the Football quality control officer talks to Haslam and the”……..end that stupid shit. Now. Immediately. Your job isn’t to talk/whine/suck up/complain/lobby to the owner, it’s to do your fucking job. One giant swinging dick at the top of the castle and everyone else can pound salt. He directly communicates with and between the head coach and the General Manager.
Hire a general manager. Preferably one that actually knows how to use Gmail properly. One that can also use a phone. A general manager that won’t get cute by trying to outthink and outsmart and outfox everyone else in the league on draft day or in Free Agency, just someone who is competent and knows what the fuck they’re doing. A general manager that has a firm understanding of the NFL and how successful franchises operate. A GM that knows how to talk to other GM’s, build rosters, build a legitimate scouting department capable of mining talent, and delivering to the head coach and his staff what they need to succeed on the field. No bullshitting around, no politics, no ass-kissing up to the owner, no power struggles, no undermining of players, no sabotage, just straight fucking football decisions that get the organization to the Superbowl for breakfast lunch and dinner every fucking day of the week. Period.
Openly ban all analytics, sabermetrics, moneyball horsehit from the building immediately. Using anything other than eyeballs and measurements to evaluate a player gets you fired on the spot. Have a hard drive/spreadsheet full of linebacker tendencies while covering 200+ running backs in spread formations out of the backfield, on grass, during night games coming off a bye week? Fuck you you’re fired. Get out. Don’t even grab your shit off your desk we’ll mail everything to you, just get the fuck out before we have you assaulted by security. Get out, now. Asshole.
Keep the entire coaching staff. This time though, actually listen to them. Pay attention to what they are saying. If they tell you they need a Quarterback, get him a goddamn quarterback. If they need help in the secondary, get him help in the fucking secondary. Give the head coach everything he says he needs to be successful, and then, Thhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen hold him accountable.
Change those pathetically awful, shit ugly uniforms. Christ those things are laughably hideous.
1. Make Hue hire an OC. This frees time to be a coach.
2. Hire a true GM that knows players and talent. Tell Sashi you appreciate his savvy, but his talent evaluation is terrible. Tell him if he wants to retain his position he loses all say in roster moves. If he says “no” fire him.
3. Start Duke Johnson at RB
4. Bench Kizer and start Kessler and stick with him through the rest of the year.
5. Cut Kenny Britt. Replace him off the practice squad.
6. Either move Kindred to FS if he has ability there or leave Peppers on the bench. Play any other player at FS including Colquitt – over Peppers.
7. Cut the idiot kicker. Sign a mule and piss him off for the back heel to kick FGs. He’s sure to be more accurate.
Freedom!!!
@Shooter I think you misunderstood. What would you do right now to get us wins THIS YEAR? Your fixes in the front office won’t affect the current season at all. Also it sounds like you appreciate the Mike Holmgren approach. Was that a case of right system but wrong guy?
@Soup who would you hire as OC? Someone currently unemployed? Then you spend weeks teaching them our offensive system while expecting them to also teach it to the team?
What would you do right now to get us wins THIS YEAR
Nothing can be done. 0-16 is our destiny.
Also it sounds like you appreciate the Mike Holmgren approach. Was that a case of right system but wrong guy?
Guys. It was the wrong guys, plural. Namely Holmgren, Tom Heckert, and Shurmer. They all sucked ass. Holmgren was a lazy pile of goo that did dick, Heckert had no idea what the fuck he was doing, had never done it before and hasn’t done it again since, and Pat Shurmer was and is a fucking disaster. If even 1 of those guys was mildly competent the Browns would have had more success.
@shooter I think you misunderstood. What would you do right now to get us wins THIS YEAR? Your fixes in the front office won’t affect the current season at all. Also it sounds like you appreciate the Mike Holmgren approach. Was that a case of right system but wrong guy?
@soup who would you hire as OC? Someone currently unemployed? Then you spend weeks teaching them our offensive system while expecting them to also teach it to the team?Zampese who was recently fired by Bengals for sucking. He was Hues QB coach in Cincy so he’s very familiar with the system. Combo of the two could work.
Freedom!!!
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