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Can someone please make a photoshopped picture of Patrick Mahomes with an American flag for a cape, hulked out like He-Man, standing on the edge of an exploding volcano in a full action pose of him throwing a diamond tipped spear that has pierced and completely protruded the heart of a dragon with a silhouetted bald eagle in the sky over his shoulder and throng of celebrating, fire waiving crowd of thousands at the base of the mountain all looking up and cheering mightily at their freedom-loving dragon-ass-kicking warrior God? Have him drinking a beer too, and make sure that where the spear penetrated the dragons heart there are streaks of gold, life-containing beams of energy emanating out of it like a star going supernova to really send home the point that this fucking thing is killed and it’s spirit is being totally consumed by Mahomes’ sheer, unbridled awesomeness.
And ya know what, fuck it, give him wings.
I don’t want him just standing at the edge of a volcano, I want him soaring the fuck over it, showcasing his unstoppable ability to impose his will in any and all ways to any challenge that may dare step before him. I don’t want some sissy-ass angel wings or shitty bat wings either, I’m talking full-bore gargoyle/F-22 Raptor biological-cyborg hybrid wings made of polished, gleaming Tungsten with fully functional claws that have dead T-rex’s in it’s clutches, and a complete arsenal of missiles, M134 miniguns on full-auto and firing in unison with sleeves of bullets draping across his chest in an X pattern. And since we’re getting so goddamned over the top, swap his football helmet out for the Predator helmet and hook up that sweet-ass laser-guided scope on one of his shoulder pads and make sure that the tips of both wings have gigantic, electric blue pulses of nuclear holy-fucking-shitness coming out of the them so that it cannot be mistaken that if you fuck with this guy you’re going to totally get just fucked ALL the hell up.
He should also have Robocop body armor and a necklace made from the ears of all the enemies he has vanquished in the past floating around his neck as if it were in zero gravity.
I’ll pay anyone here $100 if they can make that, because DS needs that fucking poster on his ceiling, above his bed, so he can drift of into a fine, heartfelt slumber every night.
Oh, so you want a picture of him after the Oklahoma game?
Seriously, where the fuck is Zbo when you need him? He’s money with photoshop. I’d have my poster and you’d be out $100.
Really though Shooter, this might sting a little if you didn’t want the one thing that has proven to be a bigger flop in the NFL than an Air Raid QB: Tom Brady’s back up.
818 mph. 13,723 feet. 3 second burn.
https://youtu.be/hy-3bb1Nqy0It’s like looking into a mirror, isn’t it?
818 mph. 13,723 feet. 3 second burn.
https://youtu.be/hy-3bb1Nqy0Can someone please make a photoshopped picture of Patrick Mahomes with an American flag for a cape, hulked out like He-Man, standing on the edge of an exploding volcano in a full action pose of him throwing a diamond tipped spear that has pierced and completely protruded the heart of a dragon with a silhouetted bald eagle in the sky over his shoulder and throng of celebrating, fire waiving crowd of thousands at the base of the mountain all looking up and cheering mightily at their freedom-loving dragon-ass-kicking warrior God? Have him drinking a beer too, and make sure that where the spear penetrated the dragons heart there are streaks of gold, life-containing beams of energy emanating out of it like a star going supernova to really send home the point that this fucking thing is killed and it’s spirit is being totally consumed by Mahomes’ sheer, unbridled awesomeness.
And ya know what, fuck it, give him wings.
I don’t want him just standing at the edge of a volcano, I want him soaring the fuck over it, showcasing his unstoppable ability to impose his will in any and all ways to any challenge that may dare step before him. I don’t want some sissy-ass angel wings or shitty bat wings either, I’m talking full-bore gargoyle/F-22 Raptor biological-cyborg hybrid wings made of polished, gleaming Tungsten with fully functional claws that have dead T-rex’s in it’s clutches, and a complete arsenal of missiles, M134 miniguns on full-auto and firing in unison with sleeves of bullets draping across his chest in an X pattern. And since we’re getting so goddamned over the top, swap his football helmet out for the Predator helmet and hook up that sweet-ass laser-guided scope on one of his shoulder pads and make sure that the tips of both wings have gigantic, electric blue pulses of nuclear holy-fucking-shitness coming out of the them so that it cannot be mistaken that if you fuck with this guy you’re going to totally get just fucked ALL the hell up.
He should also have Robocop body armor and a necklace made from the ears of all the enemies he has vanquished in the past floating around his neck as if it were in zero gravity.
I’ll pay anyone here $100 if they can make that, because DS needs that fucking poster on his ceiling, above his bed, so he can drift of into a fine, heartfelt slumber every night.
http://cloudassetserver.com/STL/posts/185/sp_04_976x0.jpg
Seriously, where the fuck is Zbo when you need him? He’s money with photoshop. I’d have my poster and you’d be out $100.
Hahahahahahahaha.
Dude you know that immediately after penning that ridiculous soliloquy I copy and pasted it all and sent it to Zbo hahahahahahahaha. I said “you don’t get the $100 though, you only get the chuckle” to which his reply was “I’m on it” hahahahaahahaha. Another 100 bucks says this dude is in his basement feverishly making everything I just said become a reality hahaha.
We’re seriously a bunch of idiots lmao.
Really though Shooter, this might sting a little if you didn’t want the one thing that has proven to be a bigger flop in the NFL than an Air Raid QB: Tom Brady’s back up.
I know man, I hear ya. It doesn’t sting. I’m bustin ya up a bit about your take cause that’s what I do n shit, and truth be told, I’m not reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally sold on Jimmy anywhere near as much as I spout off about it, it’s just, you know man.
You know.
We need a QB. A real one. We’re tired bro. All of us.
We’re so tired of this nonsense and “are you kidding me? That? That’s your guy!-ness that we all start to become unwound. We’re like prisoners in a supermax that have been locked down for 23 hours a day in isolation 5 years AFTER they came to the realization that this is really all they’ll ever get out of life.
Basically sheer madness and wild imaginations. It’s all we have to go on. As far as I’m concerned we should all get a pass for anything any of us say because we’re all fucking crazy at this point. Me absolutely included lol.
We’re seriously a bunch of idiots lmao.
Let’s hope not…
So, for realsies, no joke, I’m trying to convince the Mrs to let me apply for this job:
Football Operations: Statistics
Football Research Analyst – Cleveland Browns (Berea, OH)Job Description:
The Browns are looking for candidates with strong backgrounds in quantitative analysis and effective communication to join their Research and Strategy group. The Research and Strategy group works closely with the team’s scouting and coaching staffs throughout the season on projects related to football operations. Analysts will be responsible for research direction, study design, execution, and communication of relevant insights with department heads and team executives.
Responsibilities:
Primary analyst for football research projects impacting player personnel, player performance, and in-game decision making
Responsible for research direction, study design, execution, and communication of relevant insights with department heads and team executives
Qualifications and Experience:Bachelor’s degree or higher in Mathematics, Statistics, Computer Science, Economics, or related field
Proficient in statistical software other than MS Excel
Familiarity with current football researchThe assumption is that it would require relocation, which in the past has been a deal breaker as my wife is enamored with the Green Bay area and her family has deep roots here. That said, I don’t think I’ve ever wanted a job this badly in my life. They ask two questions on the application that require the use of discrete mathematics to determine probability distribution and density. As the guy who used to post math questions in the gutter, I can honestly say I’ve never felt this connected to a Front Office. Making the pitch to the Mrs. today and with any luck I’ll apply by the weekend. I’d have to believe I’m at a fairly rare intersection of folks that a) understands the mathematics b) has any interest in football at all, and c) would not only be willing, but ecstatic to go to the Browns.
Wish me luck!
818 mph. 13,723 feet. 3 second burn.
https://youtu.be/hy-3bb1Nqy0Let us know how that goes, brother. You’d make a great company man. Not to mention you have some great write-ups on players. I’d like to see the focus shift to other draft targets, however. Maybe the sleepers and possible hidden gems?
Plus, you could give us some inside info. Kind of like that dude from Dawgbones that we all thought was Phil Savage. Fuck me, I can’t remember his name…
But yeah, that guy. And I can tell all my friends “I know that guy!”
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go take a LOT of pills to scrub the mental image Shooter’s impression of Mahomes.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go take a LOT of pills to scrub the mental image Shooter’s impression of Mahomes.
Pretty fuckin’ epic isn’t it?
Let us know how that goes, brother. You’d make a great company man. Not to mention you have some great write-ups on players. I’d like to see the focus shift to other draft targets, however. Maybe the sleepers and possible hidden gems?
I will definitely do that as the combine gets under way. My focus on Mahomes has been more because I identified him as a first round prospect when most people thought he was going to be a 3rd round talent (or hadn’t even heard of him yet). While I love writing here, I do not consider myself a scout in the least. Just a passionate fan who longs for the glory days.
Plus, you could give us some inside info. Kind of like that dude from Dawgbones that we all thought was Phil Savage. Fuck me, I can’t remember his name…
But yeah, that guy. And I can tell all my friends “I know that guy!”
My guess is that the analytics guys don’t get a whole lot of TV time, and I’m not even sure how closely we’d work with the scouting department. There were two questions they asked during the interview that were pretty interesting:
1. If X~N(0,1), what is the probability that a random draw x is greater than 1.96?
2. Your friend is making you answer (fictional) NFL trivia. He asks you who led the NFL in passing yards in 1950: Anthony Adams, Bob Brown or Charles Cooper? You guess Bob Brown. Your friend then tells you that the answer is NOT Anthony Adams and asks if you want to switch your answer. If you stick with your answer, what are the odds your guess is right? If you switch your answer, what are the odds your guess is right?
As you might recall, I used to post math questions from time to time on Dawgbones, so this was like a dream come true! While I would be happy to explain the first question to anyone interested (I’ll spare you if not), the second question is more easily understood. Anyone care to venture a guess?
818 mph. 13,723 feet. 3 second burn.
https://youtu.be/hy-3bb1Nqy0Pretty fuckin’ epic isn’t it?
It is. Any idea when Zbo is going to have that completed?
818 mph. 13,723 feet. 3 second burn.
https://youtu.be/hy-3bb1Nqy0Love that second question. It’s the classic “let’s make a deal” scenario. Odds are 2/3 if you switch and 1/3 if you stay, so you switch every time, though it seems like it should be 50/50.
Anyone care to venture a guess?
At the point he reveals the answer is Not Anthony Adams, the odds become 50/50.
At the point he reveals the answer is Not Anthony Adams, the odds become 50/50.
You would think, but it’s not. Dawg E. is actually correct. Let me explain why.
At the onset your odds are 1 in 3. I think we all agree on this. Things get tricky when your friend tells you Anthony Adams was NOT the leader in passing yards. As Shooter says, it seems like your odds are now 50/50, as only 2 choices remain, and you have chosen 1 of the 2 remaining QBs, but…
When you chose your quarterback, there were 3 options, of which you chose 1. Think about the fractional progression 1/3, 2/3 and 3/3. If you choose 3 out of 3 QBs, you have a 100% chance of picking the correct QB. If you change your answer after learning that Anthony Adams was not the correct QB, you have essentially selected 2 out 3 of the boxes, and you have a 66.66% chance of picking the right QB. If, however, you stay with your original choice, you still have only selected 1 out of the 3 boxes, and your odds remain fixed at 33.33%.
But doesn’t learning that Anthony Adams is not the correct QB change your odds? Only if you act once that knowledge has been revealed do the odds change.
But it seems like there should be a 50/50 in there somewhere, doesn’t it? Indeed there is. If you had selected Anthony Adams, and you were allowed to pick between Bob Brown and Charles Cooper, your odds would be in fact be 1 in 2.
818 mph. 13,723 feet. 3 second burn.
https://youtu.be/hy-3bb1Nqy0The key to the problem is the assumption that your friend telling you Armstrong is the wrong answer wasn’t an arbitrary choice. You have to assume he wouldn’t reveal the correct answer at that point, if you didn’t already choose the correct answer.
Then, it goes like this. With choices a, b, and c you pick A. 1:3 times, it will be correct. If B is correct, your friend tells you C is wrong, and the answer you switch to would be the correct answer. If C is correct, your friend tells you B is wrong, and the answer you switch to would be he correct answer. Assuming B or C is correct 2/3 times, switching gets you the correct answe 2/3 times.
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